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Two Gun Moe

from New West Town by Bard Michael

The Rookery exclusive


There he stood in the middle of main.
Trembling and pondering the events that had led up to this day.
Laughter erupted.
He couldn’t comprehend. What was so funny?
In seconds, he’d be dead.
Then he looked down.
His trousers were soaked with urine.
He was a shop-keep not a gunfighter.
The outlaw laughed again, doubled over, turned his back.
And something in Moe’s head snapped.
Moe shot him dead.

So Moe set out on a perilous quest 
To kill every outlaw in the West 
He had a secret weapon now 
His pee would bring the hammer down

One by one all would fall 
His yellow glory from his two big balls 
Would cleanse the West and tame the towns 
His golden showers would cut them down

He roved from town to town and gunned down 
Every outlaw he met by pissing himself 
His cowardice he wore on his sleeve 
Fed their egos, left them dead in the streets

Sheriffs and lawmen began to talk 
About Two-Gun Moe and his magic cock 
And they all adopted his strategy 
Now every gun fight was a pee party

Grab yer gun Moe will grab two 
And we’ll all have a good time 
He’ll get wet and you’ll get dead 
And we’ll all have a good time

Grab yer gun Moe will grab two 
And we’ll all have a good time 
He’ll get wet and you’ll get dead 
It’s pee party time 


from New West Town, released April 20, 2021


all rights reserved



Bard Michael

MONTHLY RELEASES ON the 13th of every month starting 9/13/2022!

My music is an amalgamation of theatrical rock filk articulated through a diverse palette of instrumentation, beats and keys. Fused with story and experiential-based lyrics, content ranges from revolution-inciting satires and obscene humor to dark-sodden anguish and vulnerable susurrations that mirror the human condition. ... more

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