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New West Town

by Bard Michael

The Rookery exclusive
1.
In the dust strewn streets of New West Town There lurks an oddity Two-Gun Moe and Whiskey Bill Maddy, Jake and Rosalie And if you don’t know them by now Let me tear your sanity I am MURDERWRIGHT The penman of lunacy  History is a lie that few understand But in this town we’re all a little mad Join the celebration of the strange A safe haven made for the deranged New West Town is calling you New West Town is calling you New West Town is calling  If you get the creepies Don’t worry it’s just me If you see me lurking Don’t worry it’s just me For I am just the penman MURDER my specialty If you get the creepies Don’t worry it’s just me Don’t worry it’s just me Don’t worry it’s just  History is a lie that few understand But in this town we’re all a little mad Oh join the celebration of the strange  A safe haven made for the deranged New West Town is calling you New West Town is calling you New West Town is calling You
2.
Jolly Jake 04:01
Here’s a tale few have heard About Jolly Jake outlaw absurd Unskilled with a pistol and clumsy to boot Ninety-nine failed attempts to rob a stage he had no clue He smiled all the time And that’s no good He had no business being a hood But stubborn he was He refused to give up Every botched hold-up forced him to run Run to the hills RUN JAKE RUN Run at the speed of a Gatling gun You’ve done it again you worthless bum Run away run away Run Jake Run  His legend grew yet no wanted signs And this truly hurt Jake’s pride Determined to prove his proficiency He rode the Oregon Trail for a coach to thieve He spied a Wells Fargo stage running slow ‘I will raid the coffers and steal their gold!’ He galloped hard to head them off He drew his pistol brought ’em to a stop And pulled a bandana to hide his face But his eyes could not lie and gave his smile away  Run to the hills RUN JAKE RUN Run at the speed of a Gatling gun You’ve done it again you worthless bum Run away run away Run Jake Run  Then one day Jake he met A gunfighter just as incompetent As he was at his own trade He smiled so wide his face stuck that way Then Two-Gun Moe challenged Jake to a fight A showdown at dusk that very night So at 7pm when the clock striked Moe cowered and Jake well he took flight  Run to the hills RUN JAKE RUN Run at the speed of a Gatling gun You’ve done it again you worthless bum Run away run away Run Jake Run  Jake he finally got his wish  He survived Moe’s wrath and became famous  And in his honor his own Wanted Sign  After never ever committing not even one crime  Run to the hills  RUN JAKE RUN  Run at the speed of a Gatling gun  You’ve done it again you worthless bum  Run away run away  Run Jake Run Run to the hills  RUN JAKE RUN  Run at the speed of a Gatling gun  You’ve done it again you worthless bum  Run away run away  Run Jake
3.
Saloon 00:20
4.
5.
Gilded Age 03:31
Let me tell you a story  About three assholes  JD, JP and Carnegie  They outdid us all  Oil, banking and steel  Unregulated industries  While people struggled for meals  They grew their monopolies My Mama used to tell me  Never trust no man  Like Morgan  Who pays someone to fight  His battles for him  But Carnegie did it different  I almost love that man  After he made his fortune he became  A humanitarian  How convenient JD was slick but that don’t sit too well  But he got his bested by Ida Tarbell  But can ya blame them given the means  What would you or I do  History is filled with assholes  That’s the honest truth But it’s different for folks  Like you and me  We live our lives in beatific  Obscurity  And those blind assholes will never know  What we know  Let them have the damn reigns  We’ll enjoy the show  Enjoy the show 
6.
Whiskey Bill 02:58
Bill was a wainwright he could have done worse  But he was vexed by a vicious curse  Every day at dusk he turned  Into a scoundrel with a voracious thirst  And only one drink could ever quell  The Beast inside that screamed and yelled One shot two shots three shots four  Pour the whiskey more more more  One shot two shots three shots more  Give me whiskey give me more Then Bill met a lady who cured his ills  And saved him from that awful swill  For his sobriety he paid a witch’s price  Each night he had to sacrifice  A relative or friend to still his mind  But soon Bill ran out of kin and kind So he fixed his gaze upon the town  Men, women and children aroused  MURDEROUS thoughts in the mind of Bill  Without the whiskey he’d surely kill One shot two shots three shots four  Pour the whiskey more more more  One shot two shots three shots more  Give me whiskey give me more Few bother Bill anymore and every eve left by his door  Is a bottle of his favorite liquor  With lipstick signed Sweet dreams love Lenore One shot two shots three shots four  Pour the whiskey more more more  One shot two shots three shots more  Give me whiskey more more more  One shot two shots three shots four  Pour the whiskey more more more  One shot two shots three shots more  Give me whiskey, give me more 
7.
8.
Virgin Queen 03:12
Maddy was desperate  Maddy was broke  She needed a job  She needed a home  And the only establishment in town that paid  A young woman a good wage  Was the hookshop at the end of Meandering Lane So she summoned her courage  Moved to Dead Man’s Inn  Composed a brilliant business stratagem  ‘I’ve got the go to make it without dancing on my back’  She told the ladies of the line  And they just laughed and laughed and laughed  So she explained  Now ladies... It’s all about salting the proper Johns  Exclusivity is what you really want  An application fee does more than tease and taunt  It’ll add a bit more scratch to your honey pot  To your honey pot Set you prices high far beyond their means  Promise them the sky a coochie made for a king  A little down payment never hurt no one  Keep ’em coming back for more before ya give ’em some  Before ya give ’em some Pause  Stall ’em  Give ’em a refrain  I’ve got this genius notion called lay-away And when their accounts’ paid up  The option is yours  But I’ve gotta six-gun that says  I ain’t no whore  I ain’t no whore Maddy made a fortune roved from town to town  Set up shop and jacked the Johns  Before their pants were down  You might think her a thief but she had a sense of class  The only wagtail in the West to earn a wage  Without dancing on her back Maddy-O Maddy-O  Maddy-O Maddy-O  All the Johns dream of Maddy  Maddy-O Maddy-O  Maddy-O Maddy-O  All the Johns they dream of Maddy  The Virgin Queen Maddy made a fortune roved from town to town  Set up shop and jacked the Johns  Before their pants were down  You might think her a thief but she had a sense of class  The only wagtail in the West to earn a wage  Without dancing on her back Maddy-O Maddy-O  Maddy-O Maddy-O  All the Johns dream of Maddy  Maddy-O Maddy-O  Maddy-O Maddy-O  All the Johns they dream of Maddy  The Virgin Queen 
9.
Two Gun Moe 02:54
There he stood in the middle of main. Trembling and pondering the events that had led up to this day. Laughter erupted. He couldn’t comprehend. What was so funny? In seconds, he’d be dead. Then he looked down. His trousers were soaked with urine. He was a shop-keep not a gunfighter. The outlaw laughed again, doubled over, turned his back. And something in Moe’s head snapped. Bang! Moe shot him dead. So Moe set out on a perilous quest  To kill every outlaw in the West  He had a secret weapon now  His pee would bring the hammer down One by one all would fall  His yellow glory from his two big balls  Would cleanse the West and tame the towns  His golden showers would cut them down He roved from town to town and gunned down  Every outlaw he met by pissing himself  His cowardice he wore on his sleeve  Fed their egos, left them dead in the streets Sheriffs and lawmen began to talk  About Two-Gun Moe and his magic cock  And they all adopted his strategy  Now every gun fight was a pee party Grab yer gun Moe will grab two  And we’ll all have a good time  He’ll get wet and you’ll get dead  And we’ll all have a good time Grab yer gun Moe will grab two  And we’ll all have a good time  He’ll get wet and you’ll get dead  DRAW!  It’s pee party time 
10.
Happy trails to you until we kill again  Happy trails to you keep MURDERING until then  Forget about the lead and let your wounds fester  Come sing a song  We’ll dual and die together  Happy trails to you until we kill again.

about

This immersive character project is a comedy Wild West album about the bizarre characters that rove the streets of New West Town. Written for performances at the White Winds Wild West Show in Oregon, this album boasts ten tracks and features Sweet Rosalie, originally written and recorded by American Murder Song.

credits

released April 20, 2021

Music, Lyrics & Tracking by A.K. Murderwright
Mixing & Mastering by Rick Delellis

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Some rights reserved. Please refer to individual track pages for license info.

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Bard Michael

MONTHLY RELEASES ON the 13th of every month starting 9/13/2022!

My music is an amalgamation of theatrical rock filk articulated through a diverse palette of instrumentation, beats and keys. Fused with story and experiential-based lyrics, content ranges from revolution-inciting satires and obscene humor to dark-sodden anguish and vulnerable susurrations that mirror the human condition. ... more

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